Just a sweet conversation with a friend (different friend than last post)

Here is an excerpt from a convo I had with one of my friends this evening that was just sweet. I just love how with brothers and sisters the most simple yet amazingly meaningful conversations just come out of nowhere and it means so much. Just that the conversations that we can have will echo in eternity and will continue for eternity. It is just sweet that these conversations will continue for a long, long time to come. I dont think until i get challenged to really think about it do i really care all that often to share the gospel or make an impact for God's kingdom each and everyday. But in reality I truly want to make a difference in this life that will echo into the next. Just that God has and continues to bless me with so many gifts and physical capabilities to give to him in thought, word and deed. And I long for the challenge and the opportunity to make a real difference each and every day! My only prayer is that I am patient enough and observant enough and quiet enough before God to wait on Him and yet see the opportunities that come my way. And that my friends continue to hold me accountable along the way.


{Previous discussing about Conan taking over for Leno and the difference between the two}

Friend: i think leno's is a little more broad
Me: i really like leno after reading an article of him in my GQ magazine...the only part was that it was a little depressing cause he doesnt believe in God
Friend: hmm that is very interesting, i dont know that i wouldve guessed that about him
Me: yeah, there was this quote that he had that i am gonna try and remember/summarize, the mag writer asks him a question and he say he loves writing jokes about religion, politics, and everything under the sun, then he is asked if he is religious at all. He replies that it is great that some people have that to hold onto but he never saw a use/need for it in his life. He has been doing just fine without it but that he can respect people who feel that they need it. i think both he and conan are pretty funny.
Friend: letterman isn't for our generation i dont think. hmm, very interesting...i can't imagine not believing in a God. it would be very weird
Me: I can't even imagine not believing in our god anymore either. like just the feeling of value and worth and joy I have felt and recieved and just the idea of my life being predestined to be awesome cause God chose and knew me before the beginning of time is pretty miraculous. just the idea of me having some small part in seeing God's glory come to pass is sweet. and the idea of being able to help others along, my wife, kids, grandkids someday. and that we can all worship Him together for eternity
Friend: yeah, no kidding. it is AWESOME to think about! It is just sweet.
Me: like I'll be there with you and all our friends!!! totally wow
Friend: :):) can't wait for heaven. still freaks me out a litlte bit to think about.
but it's a good thing
Me: mmmm....heaven
Friend: obiviously
Me: yeah, totally bad analogy but its like trying to think of a 4D object...just can't happen. unless you go to disney and see the muppet show in 3D where they squirt water at you
Friend: it's similar to one of those comparisons that lewis uses in mere christianity. kind of scratches the surface, but not entirely
Me: yeah, for sure. i need to read mere Christianity again
Friend: i reread it right after school ended, and it was really good!

A Dream

So last night I had one of the most vivid dreams I have ever had. Not only was it a cool dream but I fell asleep peacefully and I work up refreshed and ready to go after only 8 short hours (when normally if I dont have anything going on I might try and sleep for 9 or even 10. But in the beginning of my dream I was at the Jersey shore, but it looked kinda like Atlantic city (just with a really cool beach and boardwalk), but it was the Jersey shore at night in my mind. It seemed like atlantic city because there were tons of big hotels everywhere, but then again i really have only seen pictures of atlantic city and never actually been there. But there were pink, and green, and blue neon lights everywhere and it was just really retro. And I was meeting a friend for Panda Express on the boardwalk mall in order to just hang out on the beach. Well as I was walking there, a bunch of terrorists jump out, out of nowhere an start hitting people with Ford Tauruses and running over everyone in sight. I quickly run out of my hotel room, which was overlooking the street and the nightlife below, and I head down the stairs. I pop out of my pocket a mini-glider like thing (if you have ever seen the cartoon show Tailspin when you were a kid, staring Baloo from the Jungle book, I was riding what his nephew rides through the clouds). So basically I was cruising down the handrails on a skateboard with no wheels, or a really tiny snowboard. And I run out onto the street with all choas breaking loose. Cars are hitting lampposts and there are post office boxes on fire, and people are just running crazy. Well I quickly run into the street and as a terrorist is about to shoot an innocent girl I punch and kick him to steal his gun and then pistol whip him across the face so this girl can get away. I then take his car, which happens to look exactly like my car in real life, and I am quickly driving to the mini mall to meet my friend and make sure that they are okay. Well in my rearview mirror I see there are two old cars (ones that you might see people driving in the movie scarface from the 70s or the 80s similar to the oldsmobile cutlass) and these four guys are chasing me (2 in each car). So I floor it into the parking garage which is at the basement of the mini mall where I crash through the little arm that allows you to park in parking garages even though I throw some change out the window in an attempt to pay for the damage sure to ensue. I look behind me and see in my rearview mirror the attendant running out of his booth as the second of two cars goes careening through the booth with no damage as if it were made of balsa wood. I am driving and dodging pedestrians and cement pillars all throughout the garage while shooting with the gun I took ahead of me (this doesnt really make sense since the guys were behind me in the first place) but I guess some of my bullets ricocheted off their cars anyway. Then I ended up crashing my car into park of the garage that was 3 stories tall and a shootout started. The four bad guys had me pinned down behind my car and were hitting shots all around me. Then I got two good shots and took out two of the guys. But then I saw that they had my friend who I was supposed to meet. So I had to lay down my gun on the top of my car as I get shot in the arm by one of the guys not holding my friend. And so I fist fought the guy who shot me and i ended up getting stabbed in the other arm with a knife but then I forced him to fall on his own knife so it was just one more guy to take out. The last bad guy then pulled his gun off my friend and tried to shoot me when my friend then stepped on his foot to run away of the stairwell and I punched the guy out. I then chased my friend up the stairwell into the streets which then turned into downtown Detroit and my friend suggested that we go to a tigers game instead and as we walked in it was free third base fries night (my favorite ballpark snack from when I lived in Philly...a Philadelphia specialty...basically half of whats contained within a cheesesteak on fries instead of a bun). And so as we grabbed our food to sit down I woke up.

Safe!

I have always been a fan of baseball my entire life. When I was little I would collect all types of sports cards but whenever I had extra money I would always go buy baseball cards over anything else. I actually tallied my cards that I have once and I think I had well over a thousand, maybe even two. My mom has boxes about the height of one baseball card that are approx. 2ft x 3ft wide and long just full of cards and I prolly have 2-3 boxes like this. Then otherwise I really only have a shoebox of NBA/NFL/NHL cards because I really never had gotten into those sports until middle school or even high school. Now, even though baseball has become my distant love, although I love watching the red sox play when i have a free couple of hours (or when they are in town like they are this week) and nothing is better than going to the ballpark with a couple of friends. I was watching baseball highlights on sportscenter today, not sure if they were from today or yesterday, but there was a play when a guy was heading for home from either first or second base and the 2nd baseman (the cut off man) was in the process of throwing home when the runner was only halfway home. The runner ended up colliding into the catcher and was called out because the catcher tagged him without dropping the ball. I was thinking about how what it would be like if this was a metaphor for my life. And I replayed it in my mind. I am rounding third headed for home right as the 2nd basemen, or the world has the ball and knows I am gonna be tagged out, then the ball is thrown home to where the catcher, or the devil is trying to get me, get me in one of my mistakes, or one of my sins, or one of my weaknesses/bad judgement calls from not relying on the third base coach, the holy spirit, and His leadings of wisdom. But when the runner collides with the catcher during the replay....it changes....it completely changes. The Umpire, my Father in Heaven, ended up calling the runner safe....but its not any ordinary runner....its Christ in my place. Christ pinch ran for me so I wouldnt have to. He was called safe so I could be justified in front of my coach, also the Father and in front of my entire team of brothers and sisters in Christ. Now I know it can be kinda cheesy but it is cool that God does this every second of every day for us. He washes out feet clean from all the muck and mud that we walked through that day and gives us a sparkling uniform and life, along with the game winning run that Christ already scored for us. In the midst of the play, in the midst of the heartache, the pain, the darkness, it might seem like we are called out. But if we would just glance toward deep left center field and see the jumbo tron, God is announcing our name and number as bringing home the "W" for our team. The play is safe as Christ declared the victory for me. That in all the tough struggles in life, it is Christ's effort those thousands of years ago that paid the price for me to be firm, safe, and sound in my relationship with others and most importantly....my relationship with him.

Hebrews 4:14

Hebrews 12:2

1 Corinthians 15:53-58

Contemplation

I'm just not ready for anything and, especially I just dont get that spark that seems so rare and unique. I think thats why i was "putting others down" but not really on purpose. I just need friends now, and really all I think i can handle right now are friends. God is transforming my heart daily and until I feel His tug at my heart and His go ahead, i just feel like i dont have the emotional readiness or the emotional availability to start a relationship. Honestly I feel like now i would settle for the sake of moving on if i were to start again, but at the same time i know that God has someone special there for me, whether we have dated in the past or not. I just long for a girl that to me seems like, "She is just everything that any guy could ever want." I have no idea how i ever have or have had a girl like that, even though it is just a short time in the grand scheme of creation. All i know is that in the future, I need to rely more on God, I need to trust in Him to make those decisions, and I need for him to be my heart instead of giving it to anyone whom I might seem to fancy. It is gonna be hard to be the most vulnerable guy in the whole wide world with her, or with my friends, or even with my Father in Heaven. Its hard not to be still. I teared up a little bit last night on the phone when i talked about when my grandfather died a couple of years back and how i still miss him. I practically had to fight back all my emotion during my graduation dinner and even now just thinking about the fact that he meant so much to me. I need to guard my heart more. I need to not harden it, cause that wouldnt be right, but i need to share as much with friends who are girls as I would with Mallory or Emily, or any other girl that I am ok to decent friends with. And thats what sucks, cause if it wasnt for Brett I dont think i would still be friends with emily (originally, now i know i would be friend with her if God forbid anything were to happen). And if it wasnt for being in a big group of Christian brothers and sisters in Christ i dont think i would have had the chance to be friends with many of the Brody people. And thats just the thing, through Christ I have been able to make all these friends. So i dont know how i am gonna guard my heart and at the same time struggle with being friends as distance increases. I can only hope and pray that God has a bigger plan than all of us, which i know he does. And I can only hope that healing and reconciliation is a small part of that plan. And the only thing I know is that God is going to be the main part of that plan as well.

lying still

It is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with only pitch blackness all around you. One of my favorite movies is Changing Lanes starring Ben Affleck and Samuel L Jackson. The only problem is that it is a movie that during about 95% of it has two guys trying to destroy each other's lives and then at the very last 5 minutes of the movie they realize it was all just stupid. That the big picture is more than a single dispute, that the big picture is about the history of their lives and about how important their families really are to them. Their loved ones. Those they are close to. I see the best of me and the worst of me in this movie. I try and deal with things on my own, I can be vindictive, I think business can solve anything, I am out for everything. But at the same time, people is where true treasure lies, a good woman next to your side can lead you into new plentiful seasons in your life, joy doesnt come from worldly pursuits, honesty trumps everything. My struggle is with showing people both sides. Because I dont like the first part of it. I hate that part of me. I hate the worldly, sinful part of me. And I dont want to show it to anyone. I dont think anyone can love that part of me. I know they can't. I have experienced that. But I also know that God does amazing things through prayer. He leads me to calm pastures and He transforms me from the inside out. The last 5 minutes of the movie has healing in it and transformation....restoration. I am sick and tired of my entire life feeling like the first 95% of that movie and all I want is to experience that peace for the last 5 minutes of the movie that the characters eventually find. My only prayer is that through my efforts I gain that peace from God before I live 95% of my life.


Ben Affleck quotes from Changing Lanes:

"Sometimes God likes to put two guys in a paper bag and just let 'em rip."

"It's like you go to the beach. You go down to the water. It's a little cold. You're not sure you want to go in. There's a pretty girl standing next to you. She doesn't want to go in either. She sees you, and you know that if you just asked her her name, you would leave with her. Forget your life, whoever you came with, and leave the beach with her. And after that day, you remember. Not every day, every week... she comes back to you. It's the memory of another life you could have had. Today is that girl."