Psalm 42
Psalm 46
I feel like I have served myself and all my selfish desire for so long. My joy has been nothing but fleeting and my heart has been anything but loving. I have only really experienced perfect love through God alone but for so long I denied it. I passed it off, and with it I passed on all the blessings that He had sought to give me. My pride got in the way of His plan for my life, or what He was allowing for my life. I was scarred at what it seemed like life could be and now it is no more. How many times a day do I pass by God's blessings, His opportunities. There are so many amazing things in life that I am "too tired for" or "too scared to do" or "too afraid or embarrassed to say". I want it to be no more. I long for the confidence in God that only truly comes from Him. Its not that I need to know or want to know what God's plan is for my life, I just want to know that it is amazing. I want to share it with amazing Brothers and Sisters in Christ. Yes, I get the chance to speak to tons of friends for half hours or even hours a day but those guys dont get to see what i see. What truly makes relationships meaningful is not commonalities, its shared experiences. I want my friends to see what i see. I want to experience what they experience back in EL, or LA, or Minny. It just seems so right that I would have the ability to share with them, but unfortunately Cincy isnt that big of a draw from a "killer weekend" standpoint. Thats just all the more reason I want to take advantage of all the opportunities that I do have before I lose anymore forever. I want to be able to use all this energy I have for others. I want to make friends here in Cincy with people that matter. I want to make a difference by being a friend to all these people who I am just meeting and give them back so much of what they have already given me.
Sometimes I feel so constrained though. I want to be better friends with some people or spend more time with even others still but schedules dont allow it, circumstances dont allow it, or even just the face that priorities dont allow it. Sometimes it just seems like I'm on a different page than i want to be. I want to be on the next page or even pages years ago. Not that I have that many regrets, but i have some. And not that I dont want to live in the moment, but sometimes it seems like more exciting times are ahead ya know? It just seems like in the midst of my spiritual growth, i have such a conflict about what matters most. I want the here and now to matter but sometimes its just so frustrating whats going on. But is a crazy awesome circle, everything that makes me anxious, or sad, or longing for more just drives me back to God, which in turn allows me to have more growth in the future. It seems like the walls are caving in sometimes but then other times feel as though there is so much life in spite of the sorrow. It is because of my realization each and every day for a savior that i even have the opportunities to live free. That because of my utter need for God I can be set free for other things. Because while I have so many other passions in addition to God, He is the one that matters. And with that, I can now lay down those other passions at the feet, of the throne of Christ where I can truly be given them right back again. It is not till i give something up and God heals me of my unclean, unfocused, unGodly desire; that I am able to start moving forward with my life and with the blessing that from thence forth, my actions will be aligned with those of our Father.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Phil
Phil Mickelson just came in second place today in the US Open. But thats okay. He is now taking off time to spend with His family, with his kids and wife, and time to just get away from busyness of his agenda.
Yesterday in church they continued on with their series on the ten commandments and living in Christ as the fulfillment of God's Law. The fourth week was about remembering the Sabbath and keeping it holy, for we were not made for the Sabbath but rather the Sabbath was made for us. Sometimes I just need to take a break from everything. In fact God calls us to take a time out. He knows that we can't be at our best 24/7, we were only created to be at it 24/6 or even 12/6 or less! To say that we can handle working seven days a week is not only arrogant, foolish, and immature, it is disrespectful toward the God of creation. As a follower of Christ if I am not willing to fully give myself over to God in every occasion I do not give Him the proper place in my life where He will be honored. It is only when I see God continually that I am able to experience the joy that comes from a relationship with Him. And it is only when I take a break and live in the here and now, in the joy of today, that I can appreciate all that is in and around my life. Times at dinner are not about worrying what homework I need to finish later. Times at a movie are not for me to focus on what emails I need to send when I get home. And times when visiting with friends and family are not times to wish I had missed this or that opportunity for sleep. Yes, rest and responsibilities are important but too much will leave me burned out and vulnerable. And when I get burned out and vulnerable, I sacrifice relationships, friendships, and joys that I didnt want to in the first place. And I fall into a cycle of trying to work, or provide, for those things that I am missing out with in the end.
It took heartbreak, it took pain, it literally took God stripping me of all the physical possessions that I have in order to get my attention. I fell into that trap that my father fell into the same way, its just that I fell into it earlier. It cost both of us things that were precious in our lives that are most likely lost forever, but God has/and is bringing both of us through those parts of our lives. I have the benefit of it being earlier on in my life so that way God can reconcile me to myself without kids, friends, relatives, or least of all jobs being disrupted through the entire ordeal. It took God to expose my hurt, my wound as a man to light, to air. Like a laceration that was temporarily bandaged but never given time to heal, I was pained and hurt by my father and his work. In a much less severe way than many of my friends, "the cycle of abuse" hurt me mentally and my wound of letting others down due to my incapacity to see clearly the values in life just caused me to get thrown up, and a few times sober or drunk literally throw up my emotional pain in a physical response. It wasnt till 2, 3, or maybe 4 weeks ago that I knew what is/was most important in my life. And each day after God has broken me so much that I have cried out as Paul did just that God would call me home. It was in this abandonment that God picked me up. Not in a sense of suicidal thoughts, for I mean not to be insensitive to that in any way, but rather in a realization that I literally have nothing to look forward to in this life that my life with God in heaven will make me miss. There is no wealth, or number of vacations, or fast enough I4, v6, v8, v12 cars that can quench that insatiable desire for the peace of God and the warmth of his smile. The physical world, the physical hopes or desires that I currently have are those for opportunities to minister to the needs of my brothers and sisters around me. That I would have a bench to sit on, or a phone to call someone with. Not that it would be complicated or worrysome. My safety and security is in God and for my wife, friends, and family someday....the protection I can only hope to provide is that of emotional and spiritual support in the downturns of life that we might crave the Lord together. To rest in one another's arms and chests and brothers and sisters in Christ. The only thing from this world that we can take with us are our relationships, so why invest in anything else. The joy of my salvation is so great that I long to share it with others. My peace is beyond my own understanding and my only hope for obedience is found in Christ alone. I pray that the password into my heart might be the echoes of Psalm 46:10. And that the only work I would do on my Sabbath....a Saturday or Sunday; would be that which is the joy of serving others and not inanimate objects to build wealth and power. For my faith, my work, and my life should be full of faith such that it is so strong yet so little as Christ compares it to a Mustard seed.
Matthew 17:20
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
American Dream - Casting Crowns
Exodus 20:8-11
Yesterday in church they continued on with their series on the ten commandments and living in Christ as the fulfillment of God's Law. The fourth week was about remembering the Sabbath and keeping it holy, for we were not made for the Sabbath but rather the Sabbath was made for us. Sometimes I just need to take a break from everything. In fact God calls us to take a time out. He knows that we can't be at our best 24/7, we were only created to be at it 24/6 or even 12/6 or less! To say that we can handle working seven days a week is not only arrogant, foolish, and immature, it is disrespectful toward the God of creation. As a follower of Christ if I am not willing to fully give myself over to God in every occasion I do not give Him the proper place in my life where He will be honored. It is only when I see God continually that I am able to experience the joy that comes from a relationship with Him. And it is only when I take a break and live in the here and now, in the joy of today, that I can appreciate all that is in and around my life. Times at dinner are not about worrying what homework I need to finish later. Times at a movie are not for me to focus on what emails I need to send when I get home. And times when visiting with friends and family are not times to wish I had missed this or that opportunity for sleep. Yes, rest and responsibilities are important but too much will leave me burned out and vulnerable. And when I get burned out and vulnerable, I sacrifice relationships, friendships, and joys that I didnt want to in the first place. And I fall into a cycle of trying to work, or provide, for those things that I am missing out with in the end.
It took heartbreak, it took pain, it literally took God stripping me of all the physical possessions that I have in order to get my attention. I fell into that trap that my father fell into the same way, its just that I fell into it earlier. It cost both of us things that were precious in our lives that are most likely lost forever, but God has/and is bringing both of us through those parts of our lives. I have the benefit of it being earlier on in my life so that way God can reconcile me to myself without kids, friends, relatives, or least of all jobs being disrupted through the entire ordeal. It took God to expose my hurt, my wound as a man to light, to air. Like a laceration that was temporarily bandaged but never given time to heal, I was pained and hurt by my father and his work. In a much less severe way than many of my friends, "the cycle of abuse" hurt me mentally and my wound of letting others down due to my incapacity to see clearly the values in life just caused me to get thrown up, and a few times sober or drunk literally throw up my emotional pain in a physical response. It wasnt till 2, 3, or maybe 4 weeks ago that I knew what is/was most important in my life. And each day after God has broken me so much that I have cried out as Paul did just that God would call me home. It was in this abandonment that God picked me up. Not in a sense of suicidal thoughts, for I mean not to be insensitive to that in any way, but rather in a realization that I literally have nothing to look forward to in this life that my life with God in heaven will make me miss. There is no wealth, or number of vacations, or fast enough I4, v6, v8, v12 cars that can quench that insatiable desire for the peace of God and the warmth of his smile. The physical world, the physical hopes or desires that I currently have are those for opportunities to minister to the needs of my brothers and sisters around me. That I would have a bench to sit on, or a phone to call someone with. Not that it would be complicated or worrysome. My safety and security is in God and for my wife, friends, and family someday....the protection I can only hope to provide is that of emotional and spiritual support in the downturns of life that we might crave the Lord together. To rest in one another's arms and chests and brothers and sisters in Christ. The only thing from this world that we can take with us are our relationships, so why invest in anything else. The joy of my salvation is so great that I long to share it with others. My peace is beyond my own understanding and my only hope for obedience is found in Christ alone. I pray that the password into my heart might be the echoes of Psalm 46:10. And that the only work I would do on my Sabbath....a Saturday or Sunday; would be that which is the joy of serving others and not inanimate objects to build wealth and power. For my faith, my work, and my life should be full of faith such that it is so strong yet so little as Christ compares it to a Mustard seed.
Matthew 17:20
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
American Dream - Casting Crowns
Exodus 20:8-11
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Homeless Identity
Romans 5:12-21
1 Corinthians 15:12-34
So my movers came and packed up all of my worldly possessions yesterday. So I am in a very real sense homeless. I have sent in my forwarding mail address card such that as far as the governing body over my well being is concerned....I no longer reside in E. Lansing. So now I am enroute, or as of tomorrow at 11am....possibly later, to my new apartment which is empty but in a real sense full.
Last night I completely realized that I have nothing and currently own nothing that is more than my laptop (which is now 4+ years old) and the clothes on my back (plus 6ish other "outfits" that will have to suffice in the mean time). I have no fear about where my next meal is to come from...for I have more than enough in front of me. I have no struggle as to fresh water, or medical care, or even friends and family....for I also have all this in abundance. It is so weird to think that just a week ago I was concerned about filling up my new apartment with just the right items, or just the right stuff....ignoring the blaring-ly obvious signals and signs right in front of me. The love and safety; the rest and peace; the joy and assurance I have in Christ's death and resurrection is more than enough. My identity is not a job, its not a position, or a qualification. My identity isnt even my accomplishments, or the companion beside me (if and when God allows for a Christ-defining relationship). I got so distracted from the syntax of my life to say that as long as Christ was in the center of my life, relationships, or jobs then it didnt matter how big the part was. Christ needs to DEFINE who I am and what i put into my life and my jobs. Instead of seeing a relationship that has Christ as the glue, have the relationship be the splitting image of Christ. Not to put it as the center of the time together but to have it as the time together. To pray without ceasing doesnt mean to pray at the beginning, middle, and end of the day....it means to NEVER STOP PRAYING. To have Christ only be in my job when I am facing an ethical dilemma would be to exclude Him from so much of who I am and what I am trying to accomplish for Him. If I truly follow Colossians 3:23 then I should be heavenly minded throughout my day and in all work that I accomplish for Him who gives me strength. I should be looking at my places of influence, my positions, my areas of my life where I can truly make a difference, and use them to be Christ in those ways. I have nothing to fear for God will vindicate me in this world and be with me always, even if my actions in the world truly lead me homeless or even to the next.
Back in my sophomore and junior years of high school I was starting to learn about what did it mean to be defined by who God was in my life. I was beginning to learn from an Erwin McManus book called "Uprising" where it talks about how every man is on a journey to discover the passion that God has put in each of our hearts. Its not about worldly accomplishments but it is about getting to know the heart of the Father and the heart that He has uniquely placed in each of us. It is about trusting in Him to make all the pieces work together and teaching us the opportunities that lie ahead are meant to be taken grasp of with God's help. I forgot all the lessons that I learned from that book over the past 6-7 years and I shouldn't have. The fact that my identity was so backwards and away from God, forced me to sacrifice so many God-given opportunities and to squander many of my blessings. God calls me and each of us to not be defined as a Christian, which has come to mean so many things today from attending on Easter and Christmas to punching your ticket every Sunday before going to the bar to watch a sports game. Our day of rest has turned into a day or even a week of debauchery. I am as guilty as everyone else if not more. I have sinned in every way imaginable on Sundays as well as every other day of the week. My defining characteristics in God were of trying my best and not caring if it didnt work out in the end. My joy did not come from Him alone but by whatever the world told me I should be encouraged by. My old Adam had crawled its way back into my life such that ethics, morals, and priorities didnt match up with what my heart's true desire was. My life seemed so empty and off-kilter because it was. My balancing act was more like a deadly tight-rope performance than an actual rest in my Father's arms. But I have fallen and I have been caught by God. It took pain, it took humility, and it took a resetting of my heart's priorities...but now I can know that I literally have nothing now but God. I am alone with Him (especially since I just found out I wont have my move items till the 12th day of my 2-12 day moving spread). My joy is joy from Him. My love is flowing from His side. And my peace is that of His Spirit engulfing me and penetrating the weakest parts of who I am to expose them to the solidifying fire of the Lord's trials such that they may be refined and hardened in love through Grace.
It excites me to see where God is leading me next, or what friends I might meet along the way, or who God might strengthen my friendships with. I recently heard the quote that "Love is friendship on fire" which apparently is an older english quote from a while back but if that is true, then the only way for that fire to ignite (not even necessarily within a dating or marriage relationship) is for God to set it that way. For the fire that purifies and consumes everything is only from God. The fire that burns away the bad, useless items to leave only that which shimmers in God's eyes is what matters. And it is exciting to see what the next stage in my life will be, and what next God will set on fire now that He has started with my heart.
A quote from C.S. Lewis:
"Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."
Another quote inspired by God:
Luke 12:13-53
1 Corinthians 15:12-34
So my movers came and packed up all of my worldly possessions yesterday. So I am in a very real sense homeless. I have sent in my forwarding mail address card such that as far as the governing body over my well being is concerned....I no longer reside in E. Lansing. So now I am enroute, or as of tomorrow at 11am....possibly later, to my new apartment which is empty but in a real sense full.
Last night I completely realized that I have nothing and currently own nothing that is more than my laptop (which is now 4+ years old) and the clothes on my back (plus 6ish other "outfits" that will have to suffice in the mean time). I have no fear about where my next meal is to come from...for I have more than enough in front of me. I have no struggle as to fresh water, or medical care, or even friends and family....for I also have all this in abundance. It is so weird to think that just a week ago I was concerned about filling up my new apartment with just the right items, or just the right stuff....ignoring the blaring-ly obvious signals and signs right in front of me. The love and safety; the rest and peace; the joy and assurance I have in Christ's death and resurrection is more than enough. My identity is not a job, its not a position, or a qualification. My identity isnt even my accomplishments, or the companion beside me (if and when God allows for a Christ-defining relationship). I got so distracted from the syntax of my life to say that as long as Christ was in the center of my life, relationships, or jobs then it didnt matter how big the part was. Christ needs to DEFINE who I am and what i put into my life and my jobs. Instead of seeing a relationship that has Christ as the glue, have the relationship be the splitting image of Christ. Not to put it as the center of the time together but to have it as the time together. To pray without ceasing doesnt mean to pray at the beginning, middle, and end of the day....it means to NEVER STOP PRAYING. To have Christ only be in my job when I am facing an ethical dilemma would be to exclude Him from so much of who I am and what I am trying to accomplish for Him. If I truly follow Colossians 3:23 then I should be heavenly minded throughout my day and in all work that I accomplish for Him who gives me strength. I should be looking at my places of influence, my positions, my areas of my life where I can truly make a difference, and use them to be Christ in those ways. I have nothing to fear for God will vindicate me in this world and be with me always, even if my actions in the world truly lead me homeless or even to the next.
Back in my sophomore and junior years of high school I was starting to learn about what did it mean to be defined by who God was in my life. I was beginning to learn from an Erwin McManus book called "Uprising" where it talks about how every man is on a journey to discover the passion that God has put in each of our hearts. Its not about worldly accomplishments but it is about getting to know the heart of the Father and the heart that He has uniquely placed in each of us. It is about trusting in Him to make all the pieces work together and teaching us the opportunities that lie ahead are meant to be taken grasp of with God's help. I forgot all the lessons that I learned from that book over the past 6-7 years and I shouldn't have. The fact that my identity was so backwards and away from God, forced me to sacrifice so many God-given opportunities and to squander many of my blessings. God calls me and each of us to not be defined as a Christian, which has come to mean so many things today from attending on Easter and Christmas to punching your ticket every Sunday before going to the bar to watch a sports game. Our day of rest has turned into a day or even a week of debauchery. I am as guilty as everyone else if not more. I have sinned in every way imaginable on Sundays as well as every other day of the week. My defining characteristics in God were of trying my best and not caring if it didnt work out in the end. My joy did not come from Him alone but by whatever the world told me I should be encouraged by. My old Adam had crawled its way back into my life such that ethics, morals, and priorities didnt match up with what my heart's true desire was. My life seemed so empty and off-kilter because it was. My balancing act was more like a deadly tight-rope performance than an actual rest in my Father's arms. But I have fallen and I have been caught by God. It took pain, it took humility, and it took a resetting of my heart's priorities...but now I can know that I literally have nothing now but God. I am alone with Him (especially since I just found out I wont have my move items till the 12th day of my 2-12 day moving spread). My joy is joy from Him. My love is flowing from His side. And my peace is that of His Spirit engulfing me and penetrating the weakest parts of who I am to expose them to the solidifying fire of the Lord's trials such that they may be refined and hardened in love through Grace.
It excites me to see where God is leading me next, or what friends I might meet along the way, or who God might strengthen my friendships with. I recently heard the quote that "Love is friendship on fire" which apparently is an older english quote from a while back but if that is true, then the only way for that fire to ignite (not even necessarily within a dating or marriage relationship) is for God to set it that way. For the fire that purifies and consumes everything is only from God. The fire that burns away the bad, useless items to leave only that which shimmers in God's eyes is what matters. And it is exciting to see what the next stage in my life will be, and what next God will set on fire now that He has started with my heart.
A quote from C.S. Lewis:
"Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."
Another quote inspired by God:
Luke 12:13-53
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I pray this isnt me someday
I really like PostSecret ever since I was in high school when my friend Andy showed it to me. I have no idea where this one came from but it is kinda cool and apparently it has the Cincinnati skyline.
I am excited and scared at the same to move down to Cincy and start my new job with Procter and Gamble. I just dont want to live with any regrets. Regrets about what I didnt do today, what I should've done yesterday, or what I couldnt do tomorrow. I want my life to be within God's plan...and I want happiness. I dont want to live a life that is easy, but I desire so greatly the joy of the Lord. To fight away a world of depression for a God of love. To escape a world of lies for a world of integrity. A world where truth and shared experiences with the Father and with those I love is what truly motivates me. A life that isnt about pain and loneliness and wishing things differently. I want a life, a world of availability....yes of second changes, of reconciliation and renewal...but of a willingness to change from the inside out and to see that in others. An openness to new experiences that might seem familiar but are still new and exciting. I already worked at Motorola, I am sure that my Procter and Gamble experience will be similar but at the same time totally new. I already moved to a new city that I didnt know anyone in, and it worked out great being all alone anyway. Why wouldnt the same new experience work out just as great. My only fear is that my greatest flaw, my perpetual thorn that I really have only detested for the past month and a half, my lack of interpersonal dependence will somehow leave me how it did in Chicago. One of my friend's visited me in Chicago last fourth of July. It was really sweet to see him and really encouraging, but without certain people in my life he said that I changed. I long for change in the world and in myself. But I had lost the best part of myself for those 10 weeks that I was different prior to that. That I had no passion, was angry, and was really just weak. I dont want to have that same regret again. I feel myself slipping there more and more each day. I dont want my heart to harden toward parts of the world but it seems like it is the only way to deal with some things. I dont want to experience pain but it seems like the only way to avoid it. My relationship with God is the best it has been in a long time but it seems like I am losing myself. That I am in a routine, that my passion is gone, that in the near future I will have regrets. That in the end it will end up in a lie like in Chicago. It will end up will a shell of emptiness that no one can see but God.
Post Secret
But at the same time I hope that this IS me someday...today!
Getting There - My Utmost for His Highest
I am excited and scared at the same to move down to Cincy and start my new job with Procter and Gamble. I just dont want to live with any regrets. Regrets about what I didnt do today, what I should've done yesterday, or what I couldnt do tomorrow. I want my life to be within God's plan...and I want happiness. I dont want to live a life that is easy, but I desire so greatly the joy of the Lord. To fight away a world of depression for a God of love. To escape a world of lies for a world of integrity. A world where truth and shared experiences with the Father and with those I love is what truly motivates me. A life that isnt about pain and loneliness and wishing things differently. I want a life, a world of availability....yes of second changes, of reconciliation and renewal...but of a willingness to change from the inside out and to see that in others. An openness to new experiences that might seem familiar but are still new and exciting. I already worked at Motorola, I am sure that my Procter and Gamble experience will be similar but at the same time totally new. I already moved to a new city that I didnt know anyone in, and it worked out great being all alone anyway. Why wouldnt the same new experience work out just as great. My only fear is that my greatest flaw, my perpetual thorn that I really have only detested for the past month and a half, my lack of interpersonal dependence will somehow leave me how it did in Chicago. One of my friend's visited me in Chicago last fourth of July. It was really sweet to see him and really encouraging, but without certain people in my life he said that I changed. I long for change in the world and in myself. But I had lost the best part of myself for those 10 weeks that I was different prior to that. That I had no passion, was angry, and was really just weak. I dont want to have that same regret again. I feel myself slipping there more and more each day. I dont want my heart to harden toward parts of the world but it seems like it is the only way to deal with some things. I dont want to experience pain but it seems like the only way to avoid it. My relationship with God is the best it has been in a long time but it seems like I am losing myself. That I am in a routine, that my passion is gone, that in the near future I will have regrets. That in the end it will end up in a lie like in Chicago. It will end up will a shell of emptiness that no one can see but God.
Post Secret
But at the same time I hope that this IS me someday...today!
Getting There - My Utmost for His Highest
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Correct Definition?
Tim McGraw - Back When
Witness (n); public affirmation by word or example of usually religious faith or conviction
How many words, thoughts, definitions have been skewed over the years to not mean what they were supposed to? I think the Tim McGraw Song Link at the top basically sums up how screwed up the bottom pic and link are.
http://kingjamesgospel.com/
Witness (n); public affirmation by word or example of usually religious faith or conviction
How many words, thoughts, definitions have been skewed over the years to not mean what they were supposed to? I think the Tim McGraw Song Link at the top basically sums up how screwed up the bottom pic and link are.
http://kingjamesgospel.com/
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Your Name
Your Name - Phillips Criag and Dean (or The Swift is a good version too)
I was driving home today from E.L. after a very encouraging hang out time with one of my sweet friends and all I could do for a majority of my trip of proclaim praises to God. I just wanted to dance in my car and jump up and down, and I tried my best to do just that (for cruise control is certainly from God). One of my friends taught me how to translate the words of meaningful songs into sentences that touch my heart and this is what I gained from this song. May these verses and lyrics touch your heart as they did mine.
As morning dawns and evening fades, - As each day passes as if it were a mere mist before the eyes of our Lord (James 4:14)
you inspire songs of praise that rise up from Earth to touch your heart and glorify your name. - There are just sometimes that I cannot contain my love and joy for God, the mere mention of His name or thought of His greatness makes me call out loudly to Him(Luke 19:40)
Your name is a strong and mighty tower, - It is the focal point for all to see and experience. It is a light that extends out so all can see its greatness! (Psalm 61:3)
Your name is a shelter like no other, - The very identity of Jehovah is contained within His name. The security of His love and salvation are for all to hear, see, and experience. And the wholeness that is felt when surrounded by that security is nothing to balk at.(Psalm 61:4)
Your name - let the nations sing it louder, - Just as the nations tremble before the Lord and His voice, so too the nations repeat the chorus of the angels such that God's glory proclaimed and echoed against the mountains and across the seas(Psalm 105:1)
For nothing has the power to save but your name.- For our Lord is the only true way, truth, and life. And it is through Him and seeking our salvation through Him that we are set free. That in Him we find everything our heart desires. (John 6:68)
Jesus, in your name we pray, come and fill our hearts today,- For we cannot fill our hearts with things or other people, but God can fill our hearts with the love of other brothers and sisters through our faithfulness and obedience toward Him. (Luke 11:2)
Lord, give us strength to live for you and glorify your name. -Even when I am downtrodden and weak, God is strong. Even when the world comes crashing down on top of me, the Lord is my shelter through the storm. It is then that the Lord fully glorifies Himself through me as the vessel. For where I end, He begins...it is only up to me to end as soon as I can to humbly submit to God's power and majesty. (2 Thessalonians 1:12)
And there is healing in your name, - Healing from pain, from loneliness, and from discouragement. For God will never forget us or forsake us. If we seek acceptance first from anyone other than our Father we are nothing. But if we seek God's glory first....it is then that we receive all other things our mind, body and spirit desire (Isaiah 6:10)
Salvation in your name,-The very name of Jesus gives me freedom, safety, and joy. The peace that comes from Him alone is the saving grace in times of trouble. It is His joy and hope that continues to encourage me toward purity, obedience, and life in him alone. (Psalm 62:1-8)
There is joy in your name, - It is only in my Lord that I am truly alive. It is only by seeking His heart that I can find mine. And it is only by abiding in His perfect plan that I can find joy, even amongst persecution, distress, or uncertainty. (Psalm 35:9)
Jesus, in your name. -For we must all hail the power of Jesus' name. In Him alone do I find my salvation and joy. It is Him alone that reunites me with the Father and makes me whole again. The joy and strength that comes from trusting in Him is unmatched by even the greatest of all things created by man. For my relationships are most full when given to God and consecrated in Christ's holy name. For at Jesus' feet I lay all my desires, pain, goals, and struggles...to pick up my cross and live a life I can only hope is worthy of Him (Philippians 2:10)
Wow, what a mighty and powerful God do we serve. To Him be all the glory forever and ever Amen.
I was driving home today from E.L. after a very encouraging hang out time with one of my sweet friends and all I could do for a majority of my trip of proclaim praises to God. I just wanted to dance in my car and jump up and down, and I tried my best to do just that (for cruise control is certainly from God). One of my friends taught me how to translate the words of meaningful songs into sentences that touch my heart and this is what I gained from this song. May these verses and lyrics touch your heart as they did mine.
As morning dawns and evening fades, - As each day passes as if it were a mere mist before the eyes of our Lord (James 4:14)
you inspire songs of praise that rise up from Earth to touch your heart and glorify your name. - There are just sometimes that I cannot contain my love and joy for God, the mere mention of His name or thought of His greatness makes me call out loudly to Him(Luke 19:40)
Your name is a strong and mighty tower, - It is the focal point for all to see and experience. It is a light that extends out so all can see its greatness! (Psalm 61:3)
Your name is a shelter like no other, - The very identity of Jehovah is contained within His name. The security of His love and salvation are for all to hear, see, and experience. And the wholeness that is felt when surrounded by that security is nothing to balk at.(Psalm 61:4)
Your name - let the nations sing it louder, - Just as the nations tremble before the Lord and His voice, so too the nations repeat the chorus of the angels such that God's glory proclaimed and echoed against the mountains and across the seas(Psalm 105:1)
For nothing has the power to save but your name.- For our Lord is the only true way, truth, and life. And it is through Him and seeking our salvation through Him that we are set free. That in Him we find everything our heart desires. (John 6:68)
Jesus, in your name we pray, come and fill our hearts today,- For we cannot fill our hearts with things or other people, but God can fill our hearts with the love of other brothers and sisters through our faithfulness and obedience toward Him. (Luke 11:2)
Lord, give us strength to live for you and glorify your name. -Even when I am downtrodden and weak, God is strong. Even when the world comes crashing down on top of me, the Lord is my shelter through the storm. It is then that the Lord fully glorifies Himself through me as the vessel. For where I end, He begins...it is only up to me to end as soon as I can to humbly submit to God's power and majesty. (2 Thessalonians 1:12)
And there is healing in your name, - Healing from pain, from loneliness, and from discouragement. For God will never forget us or forsake us. If we seek acceptance first from anyone other than our Father we are nothing. But if we seek God's glory first....it is then that we receive all other things our mind, body and spirit desire (Isaiah 6:10)
Salvation in your name,-The very name of Jesus gives me freedom, safety, and joy. The peace that comes from Him alone is the saving grace in times of trouble. It is His joy and hope that continues to encourage me toward purity, obedience, and life in him alone. (Psalm 62:1-8)
There is joy in your name, - It is only in my Lord that I am truly alive. It is only by seeking His heart that I can find mine. And it is only by abiding in His perfect plan that I can find joy, even amongst persecution, distress, or uncertainty. (Psalm 35:9)
Jesus, in your name. -For we must all hail the power of Jesus' name. In Him alone do I find my salvation and joy. It is Him alone that reunites me with the Father and makes me whole again. The joy and strength that comes from trusting in Him is unmatched by even the greatest of all things created by man. For my relationships are most full when given to God and consecrated in Christ's holy name. For at Jesus' feet I lay all my desires, pain, goals, and struggles...to pick up my cross and live a life I can only hope is worthy of Him (Philippians 2:10)
Wow, what a mighty and powerful God do we serve. To Him be all the glory forever and ever Amen.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
For Today
Trace Adkins - You're Gonna Miss This
I heard this song tonight on the radio on the way home from a great Red Sox victory at Comerica Park. It was just really encouraging for my mind and heart to just connect it back to some of the verses that I have studied recently. Sometimes I feel like I just so often dont live for the moment. I don't truly soak up the blessings around me and I often times just focus on whats next. But so many times in scripture God teaches us to be patient, to slow down, and to walk with Him instead of running through life with our busyness. I long to have that type of disciple to live only for today. Now thats not to say we shouldnt save our money for a rainy day or to be prudent with our planning, but I need to learn to not live for that. To have focused on my last month of college while it was still around instead of hoping to make up lost time with friends during the summer. To take advantage of every situation and to pack a full day (including quiet time), instead of procrastinating and truly wasting the time that God has given me. It feels just like throwing away blessings when i dont take advantage of what God is teaching me now in favor of what i hope He will teach me tomorrow.
Matthew 6:25-34
Ecclesiastes 3
I heard this song tonight on the radio on the way home from a great Red Sox victory at Comerica Park. It was just really encouraging for my mind and heart to just connect it back to some of the verses that I have studied recently. Sometimes I feel like I just so often dont live for the moment. I don't truly soak up the blessings around me and I often times just focus on whats next. But so many times in scripture God teaches us to be patient, to slow down, and to walk with Him instead of running through life with our busyness. I long to have that type of disciple to live only for today. Now thats not to say we shouldnt save our money for a rainy day or to be prudent with our planning, but I need to learn to not live for that. To have focused on my last month of college while it was still around instead of hoping to make up lost time with friends during the summer. To take advantage of every situation and to pack a full day (including quiet time), instead of procrastinating and truly wasting the time that God has given me. It feels just like throwing away blessings when i dont take advantage of what God is teaching me now in favor of what i hope He will teach me tomorrow.
Matthew 6:25-34
Ecclesiastes 3
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Just a sweet conversation with a friend (different friend than last post)
Here is an excerpt from a convo I had with one of my friends this evening that was just sweet. I just love how with brothers and sisters the most simple yet amazingly meaningful conversations just come out of nowhere and it means so much. Just that the conversations that we can have will echo in eternity and will continue for eternity. It is just sweet that these conversations will continue for a long, long time to come. I dont think until i get challenged to really think about it do i really care all that often to share the gospel or make an impact for God's kingdom each and everyday. But in reality I truly want to make a difference in this life that will echo into the next. Just that God has and continues to bless me with so many gifts and physical capabilities to give to him in thought, word and deed. And I long for the challenge and the opportunity to make a real difference each and every day! My only prayer is that I am patient enough and observant enough and quiet enough before God to wait on Him and yet see the opportunities that come my way. And that my friends continue to hold me accountable along the way.
{Previous discussing about Conan taking over for Leno and the difference between the two}
Friend: i think leno's is a little more broad
Me: i really like leno after reading an article of him in my GQ magazine...the only part was that it was a little depressing cause he doesnt believe in God
Friend: hmm that is very interesting, i dont know that i wouldve guessed that about him
Me: yeah, there was this quote that he had that i am gonna try and remember/summarize, the mag writer asks him a question and he say he loves writing jokes about religion, politics, and everything under the sun, then he is asked if he is religious at all. He replies that it is great that some people have that to hold onto but he never saw a use/need for it in his life. He has been doing just fine without it but that he can respect people who feel that they need it. i think both he and conan are pretty funny.
Friend: letterman isn't for our generation i dont think. hmm, very interesting...i can't imagine not believing in a God. it would be very weird
Me: I can't even imagine not believing in our god anymore either. like just the feeling of value and worth and joy I have felt and recieved and just the idea of my life being predestined to be awesome cause God chose and knew me before the beginning of time is pretty miraculous. just the idea of me having some small part in seeing God's glory come to pass is sweet. and the idea of being able to help others along, my wife, kids, grandkids someday. and that we can all worship Him together for eternity
Friend: yeah, no kidding. it is AWESOME to think about! It is just sweet.
Me: like I'll be there with you and all our friends!!! totally wow
Friend: :):) can't wait for heaven. still freaks me out a litlte bit to think about.
but it's a good thing
Me: mmmm....heaven
Friend: obiviously
Me: yeah, totally bad analogy but its like trying to think of a 4D object...just can't happen. unless you go to disney and see the muppet show in 3D where they squirt water at you
Friend: it's similar to one of those comparisons that lewis uses in mere christianity. kind of scratches the surface, but not entirely
Me: yeah, for sure. i need to read mere Christianity again
Friend: i reread it right after school ended, and it was really good!
{Previous discussing about Conan taking over for Leno and the difference between the two}
Friend: i think leno's is a little more broad
Me: i really like leno after reading an article of him in my GQ magazine...the only part was that it was a little depressing cause he doesnt believe in God
Friend: hmm that is very interesting, i dont know that i wouldve guessed that about him
Me: yeah, there was this quote that he had that i am gonna try and remember/summarize, the mag writer asks him a question and he say he loves writing jokes about religion, politics, and everything under the sun, then he is asked if he is religious at all. He replies that it is great that some people have that to hold onto but he never saw a use/need for it in his life. He has been doing just fine without it but that he can respect people who feel that they need it. i think both he and conan are pretty funny.
Friend: letterman isn't for our generation i dont think. hmm, very interesting...i can't imagine not believing in a God. it would be very weird
Me: I can't even imagine not believing in our god anymore either. like just the feeling of value and worth and joy I have felt and recieved and just the idea of my life being predestined to be awesome cause God chose and knew me before the beginning of time is pretty miraculous. just the idea of me having some small part in seeing God's glory come to pass is sweet. and the idea of being able to help others along, my wife, kids, grandkids someday. and that we can all worship Him together for eternity
Friend: yeah, no kidding. it is AWESOME to think about! It is just sweet.
Me: like I'll be there with you and all our friends!!! totally wow
Friend: :):) can't wait for heaven. still freaks me out a litlte bit to think about.
but it's a good thing
Me: mmmm....heaven
Friend: obiviously
Me: yeah, totally bad analogy but its like trying to think of a 4D object...just can't happen. unless you go to disney and see the muppet show in 3D where they squirt water at you
Friend: it's similar to one of those comparisons that lewis uses in mere christianity. kind of scratches the surface, but not entirely
Me: yeah, for sure. i need to read mere Christianity again
Friend: i reread it right after school ended, and it was really good!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
A Dream
So last night I had one of the most vivid dreams I have ever had. Not only was it a cool dream but I fell asleep peacefully and I work up refreshed and ready to go after only 8 short hours (when normally if I dont have anything going on I might try and sleep for 9 or even 10. But in the beginning of my dream I was at the Jersey shore, but it looked kinda like Atlantic city (just with a really cool beach and boardwalk), but it was the Jersey shore at night in my mind. It seemed like atlantic city because there were tons of big hotels everywhere, but then again i really have only seen pictures of atlantic city and never actually been there. But there were pink, and green, and blue neon lights everywhere and it was just really retro. And I was meeting a friend for Panda Express on the boardwalk mall in order to just hang out on the beach. Well as I was walking there, a bunch of terrorists jump out, out of nowhere an start hitting people with Ford Tauruses and running over everyone in sight. I quickly run out of my hotel room, which was overlooking the street and the nightlife below, and I head down the stairs. I pop out of my pocket a mini-glider like thing (if you have ever seen the cartoon show Tailspin when you were a kid, staring Baloo from the Jungle book, I was riding what his nephew rides through the clouds). So basically I was cruising down the handrails on a skateboard with no wheels, or a really tiny snowboard. And I run out onto the street with all choas breaking loose. Cars are hitting lampposts and there are post office boxes on fire, and people are just running crazy. Well I quickly run into the street and as a terrorist is about to shoot an innocent girl I punch and kick him to steal his gun and then pistol whip him across the face so this girl can get away. I then take his car, which happens to look exactly like my car in real life, and I am quickly driving to the mini mall to meet my friend and make sure that they are okay. Well in my rearview mirror I see there are two old cars (ones that you might see people driving in the movie scarface from the 70s or the 80s similar to the oldsmobile cutlass) and these four guys are chasing me (2 in each car). So I floor it into the parking garage which is at the basement of the mini mall where I crash through the little arm that allows you to park in parking garages even though I throw some change out the window in an attempt to pay for the damage sure to ensue. I look behind me and see in my rearview mirror the attendant running out of his booth as the second of two cars goes careening through the booth with no damage as if it were made of balsa wood. I am driving and dodging pedestrians and cement pillars all throughout the garage while shooting with the gun I took ahead of me (this doesnt really make sense since the guys were behind me in the first place) but I guess some of my bullets ricocheted off their cars anyway. Then I ended up crashing my car into park of the garage that was 3 stories tall and a shootout started. The four bad guys had me pinned down behind my car and were hitting shots all around me. Then I got two good shots and took out two of the guys. But then I saw that they had my friend who I was supposed to meet. So I had to lay down my gun on the top of my car as I get shot in the arm by one of the guys not holding my friend. And so I fist fought the guy who shot me and i ended up getting stabbed in the other arm with a knife but then I forced him to fall on his own knife so it was just one more guy to take out. The last bad guy then pulled his gun off my friend and tried to shoot me when my friend then stepped on his foot to run away of the stairwell and I punched the guy out. I then chased my friend up the stairwell into the streets which then turned into downtown Detroit and my friend suggested that we go to a tigers game instead and as we walked in it was free third base fries night (my favorite ballpark snack from when I lived in Philly...a Philadelphia specialty...basically half of whats contained within a cheesesteak on fries instead of a bun). And so as we grabbed our food to sit down I woke up.
Safe!
I have always been a fan of baseball my entire life. When I was little I would collect all types of sports cards but whenever I had extra money I would always go buy baseball cards over anything else. I actually tallied my cards that I have once and I think I had well over a thousand, maybe even two. My mom has boxes about the height of one baseball card that are approx. 2ft x 3ft wide and long just full of cards and I prolly have 2-3 boxes like this. Then otherwise I really only have a shoebox of NBA/NFL/NHL cards because I really never had gotten into those sports until middle school or even high school. Now, even though baseball has become my distant love, although I love watching the red sox play when i have a free couple of hours (or when they are in town like they are this week) and nothing is better than going to the ballpark with a couple of friends. I was watching baseball highlights on sportscenter today, not sure if they were from today or yesterday, but there was a play when a guy was heading for home from either first or second base and the 2nd baseman (the cut off man) was in the process of throwing home when the runner was only halfway home. The runner ended up colliding into the catcher and was called out because the catcher tagged him without dropping the ball. I was thinking about how what it would be like if this was a metaphor for my life. And I replayed it in my mind. I am rounding third headed for home right as the 2nd basemen, or the world has the ball and knows I am gonna be tagged out, then the ball is thrown home to where the catcher, or the devil is trying to get me, get me in one of my mistakes, or one of my sins, or one of my weaknesses/bad judgement calls from not relying on the third base coach, the holy spirit, and His leadings of wisdom. But when the runner collides with the catcher during the replay....it changes....it completely changes. The Umpire, my Father in Heaven, ended up calling the runner safe....but its not any ordinary runner....its Christ in my place. Christ pinch ran for me so I wouldnt have to. He was called safe so I could be justified in front of my coach, also the Father and in front of my entire team of brothers and sisters in Christ. Now I know it can be kinda cheesy but it is cool that God does this every second of every day for us. He washes out feet clean from all the muck and mud that we walked through that day and gives us a sparkling uniform and life, along with the game winning run that Christ already scored for us. In the midst of the play, in the midst of the heartache, the pain, the darkness, it might seem like we are called out. But if we would just glance toward deep left center field and see the jumbo tron, God is announcing our name and number as bringing home the "W" for our team. The play is safe as Christ declared the victory for me. That in all the tough struggles in life, it is Christ's effort those thousands of years ago that paid the price for me to be firm, safe, and sound in my relationship with others and most importantly....my relationship with him.
Hebrews 4:14
Hebrews 12:2
1 Corinthians 15:53-58
Hebrews 4:14
Hebrews 12:2
1 Corinthians 15:53-58
Monday, June 1, 2009
Contemplation
I'm just not ready for anything and, especially I just dont get that spark that seems so rare and unique. I think thats why i was "putting others down" but not really on purpose. I just need friends now, and really all I think i can handle right now are friends. God is transforming my heart daily and until I feel His tug at my heart and His go ahead, i just feel like i dont have the emotional readiness or the emotional availability to start a relationship. Honestly I feel like now i would settle for the sake of moving on if i were to start again, but at the same time i know that God has someone special there for me, whether we have dated in the past or not. I just long for a girl that to me seems like, "She is just everything that any guy could ever want." I have no idea how i ever have or have had a girl like that, even though it is just a short time in the grand scheme of creation. All i know is that in the future, I need to rely more on God, I need to trust in Him to make those decisions, and I need for him to be my heart instead of giving it to anyone whom I might seem to fancy. It is gonna be hard to be the most vulnerable guy in the whole wide world with her, or with my friends, or even with my Father in Heaven. Its hard not to be still. I teared up a little bit last night on the phone when i talked about when my grandfather died a couple of years back and how i still miss him. I practically had to fight back all my emotion during my graduation dinner and even now just thinking about the fact that he meant so much to me. I need to guard my heart more. I need to not harden it, cause that wouldnt be right, but i need to share as much with friends who are girls as I would with Mallory or Emily, or any other girl that I am ok to decent friends with. And thats what sucks, cause if it wasnt for Brett I dont think i would still be friends with emily (originally, now i know i would be friend with her if God forbid anything were to happen). And if it wasnt for being in a big group of Christian brothers and sisters in Christ i dont think i would have had the chance to be friends with many of the Brody people. And thats just the thing, through Christ I have been able to make all these friends. So i dont know how i am gonna guard my heart and at the same time struggle with being friends as distance increases. I can only hope and pray that God has a bigger plan than all of us, which i know he does. And I can only hope that healing and reconciliation is a small part of that plan. And the only thing I know is that God is going to be the main part of that plan as well.
lying still
It is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with only pitch blackness all around you. One of my favorite movies is Changing Lanes starring Ben Affleck and Samuel L Jackson. The only problem is that it is a movie that during about 95% of it has two guys trying to destroy each other's lives and then at the very last 5 minutes of the movie they realize it was all just stupid. That the big picture is more than a single dispute, that the big picture is about the history of their lives and about how important their families really are to them. Their loved ones. Those they are close to. I see the best of me and the worst of me in this movie. I try and deal with things on my own, I can be vindictive, I think business can solve anything, I am out for everything. But at the same time, people is where true treasure lies, a good woman next to your side can lead you into new plentiful seasons in your life, joy doesnt come from worldly pursuits, honesty trumps everything. My struggle is with showing people both sides. Because I dont like the first part of it. I hate that part of me. I hate the worldly, sinful part of me. And I dont want to show it to anyone. I dont think anyone can love that part of me. I know they can't. I have experienced that. But I also know that God does amazing things through prayer. He leads me to calm pastures and He transforms me from the inside out. The last 5 minutes of the movie has healing in it and transformation....restoration. I am sick and tired of my entire life feeling like the first 95% of that movie and all I want is to experience that peace for the last 5 minutes of the movie that the characters eventually find. My only prayer is that through my efforts I gain that peace from God before I live 95% of my life.
Ben Affleck quotes from Changing Lanes:
"Sometimes God likes to put two guys in a paper bag and just let 'em rip."
"It's like you go to the beach. You go down to the water. It's a little cold. You're not sure you want to go in. There's a pretty girl standing next to you. She doesn't want to go in either. She sees you, and you know that if you just asked her her name, you would leave with her. Forget your life, whoever you came with, and leave the beach with her. And after that day, you remember. Not every day, every week... she comes back to you. It's the memory of another life you could have had. Today is that girl."
Ben Affleck quotes from Changing Lanes:
"Sometimes God likes to put two guys in a paper bag and just let 'em rip."
"It's like you go to the beach. You go down to the water. It's a little cold. You're not sure you want to go in. There's a pretty girl standing next to you. She doesn't want to go in either. She sees you, and you know that if you just asked her her name, you would leave with her. Forget your life, whoever you came with, and leave the beach with her. And after that day, you remember. Not every day, every week... she comes back to you. It's the memory of another life you could have had. Today is that girl."
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