lying still

It is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with only pitch blackness all around you. One of my favorite movies is Changing Lanes starring Ben Affleck and Samuel L Jackson. The only problem is that it is a movie that during about 95% of it has two guys trying to destroy each other's lives and then at the very last 5 minutes of the movie they realize it was all just stupid. That the big picture is more than a single dispute, that the big picture is about the history of their lives and about how important their families really are to them. Their loved ones. Those they are close to. I see the best of me and the worst of me in this movie. I try and deal with things on my own, I can be vindictive, I think business can solve anything, I am out for everything. But at the same time, people is where true treasure lies, a good woman next to your side can lead you into new plentiful seasons in your life, joy doesnt come from worldly pursuits, honesty trumps everything. My struggle is with showing people both sides. Because I dont like the first part of it. I hate that part of me. I hate the worldly, sinful part of me. And I dont want to show it to anyone. I dont think anyone can love that part of me. I know they can't. I have experienced that. But I also know that God does amazing things through prayer. He leads me to calm pastures and He transforms me from the inside out. The last 5 minutes of the movie has healing in it and transformation....restoration. I am sick and tired of my entire life feeling like the first 95% of that movie and all I want is to experience that peace for the last 5 minutes of the movie that the characters eventually find. My only prayer is that through my efforts I gain that peace from God before I live 95% of my life.


Ben Affleck quotes from Changing Lanes:

"Sometimes God likes to put two guys in a paper bag and just let 'em rip."

"It's like you go to the beach. You go down to the water. It's a little cold. You're not sure you want to go in. There's a pretty girl standing next to you. She doesn't want to go in either. She sees you, and you know that if you just asked her her name, you would leave with her. Forget your life, whoever you came with, and leave the beach with her. And after that day, you remember. Not every day, every week... she comes back to you. It's the memory of another life you could have had. Today is that girl."