I pray this isnt me someday

I really like PostSecret ever since I was in high school when my friend Andy showed it to me. I have no idea where this one came from but it is kinda cool and apparently it has the Cincinnati skyline.

I am excited and scared at the same to move down to Cincy and start my new job with Procter and Gamble. I just dont want to live with any regrets. Regrets about what I didnt do today, what I should've done yesterday, or what I couldnt do tomorrow. I want my life to be within God's plan...and I want happiness. I dont want to live a life that is easy, but I desire so greatly the joy of the Lord. To fight away a world of depression for a God of love. To escape a world of lies for a world of integrity. A world where truth and shared experiences with the Father and with those I love is what truly motivates me. A life that isnt about pain and loneliness and wishing things differently. I want a life, a world of availability....yes of second changes, of reconciliation and renewal...but of a willingness to change from the inside out and to see that in others. An openness to new experiences that might seem familiar but are still new and exciting. I already worked at Motorola, I am sure that my Procter and Gamble experience will be similar but at the same time totally new. I already moved to a new city that I didnt know anyone in, and it worked out great being all alone anyway. Why wouldnt the same new experience work out just as great. My only fear is that my greatest flaw, my perpetual thorn that I really have only detested for the past month and a half, my lack of interpersonal dependence will somehow leave me how it did in Chicago. One of my friend's visited me in Chicago last fourth of July. It was really sweet to see him and really encouraging, but without certain people in my life he said that I changed. I long for change in the world and in myself. But I had lost the best part of myself for those 10 weeks that I was different prior to that. That I had no passion, was angry, and was really just weak. I dont want to have that same regret again. I feel myself slipping there more and more each day. I dont want my heart to harden toward parts of the world but it seems like it is the only way to deal with some things. I dont want to experience pain but it seems like the only way to avoid it. My relationship with God is the best it has been in a long time but it seems like I am losing myself. That I am in a routine, that my passion is gone, that in the near future I will have regrets. That in the end it will end up in a lie like in Chicago. It will end up will a shell of emptiness that no one can see but God.




Post Secret

But at the same time I hope that this IS me someday...today!

Getting There - My Utmost for His Highest